Finally Lucy replied. Women never throw themselves into each other's arms; they calculate the distance and the damage perfectly. ‘Anyhow, never mind that now. I think we will soon, though. To make sure work of it, I'll superintend the job myself. I know I am undeserving of your bounty; but if I were to tell you what hardships I have undergone—to what frightful extremities I have been reduced—and to what infamy I have submitted, to earn a scanty subsistence for this child's sake, —if you could feel what it is to stand alone in the world as I do, bereft of all who have ever loved me, and shunned by all who have ever known me, except the worthless and the wretched,—if you knew (and Heaven grant you may be spared the knowledge!) how much affliction sharpens love, and how much more dear to me my child has become for every sacrifice I have made for him,—if you were told all this, you would, I am sure, pity rather than reproach me, because I cannot at once consent to a separation, which I feel would break my heart. I’m making a mess of my life— unless you come in and take it. ‘Sapristi,’ he shouted angrily. ‘You know perfectly well that she is the daughter of the Comtesse de St Erme. I know in Paris you pinched and scraped that your sister might have the dresses and entertainments she desired. The idea of Ruth as a talisman against misfortune—which he now recognized as a sick man's idea— faded as his appreciation of the absurd reasserted itself.
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